October 27, 2007

October 27, 2007 was a Saturday. I had been living in Maryland a little over 2 weeks. Steph and I just found a place in Laurel and signed a lease, but we were still living with Todd in Germantown. That particular Saturday started like any other. We took DJ, who was 3-and-a-half at the time, and headed over to Laurel to get some things for the house, unload my car, all the stuff I drove cross-country with. We went to Target and got a bunch of basic stuff for the house, paper towels, toilet paper, trash cans, that kinda stuff. By the time we were done, it was lunch time and DJ was hungry. In the same parking lot, there was this place called chik-fil-a. We were new to the east coast, but DJ likes chicken, so we figured why not. So, we ordered and sat down and just as they called our number and Steph went to pick up the tray, my phone rang. I never answer during a meal, but something told me it was important. I saw my best friends number on the screen and I answered. Her panicked voice told me "my dad just called, he thinks Bekka's dead". This is really one of those "say what?!" kind of moments. She was frantic, saying her dad went to wake Bekka up and he couldn't. Then she had to go, because she was driving the 5 minutes between her apartment and her dad's house and she could hear the sirens of the ambulance and police. I was confused, numb, really scared. I just sat there and ate my chicken sandwich in silence. Steph figured the best thing to do would be to distract me, so we looked for furniture. She didn't have much sympathy, but she has never really lost someone close to her, so I don't think she understood. We got back to the town house and walked around, trying to decide where things should go. Then my best friend called me back. This was probably 3 hours after she originally called me. She said there were waiting for the medical examiner to come. The first words I said were "So, it's true?" Jess said yes and tried to explain to me that her dad had gone up to wake Bekka up to see if she wanted breakfast and she had died in her sleep.

It took 18 weeks to get the toxicology results back, with no real answers. Rebekka's heart had simply stopped, while she was sleeping. How is that even possible? She had just turned 19 a couple months before, she was healthy. There is absolutely no logical reason for her to have died.

I know things happen for a reason and some would say it was just her time to go. Some would say that God needed her back. I say it sucks. She had her whole life ahead of her. She was so talented and beautiful and I had known her since she was 5 years old. It shouldn't be this way.

I love you Bekka and I miss you every day. I can't believe two years have gone by since you left us, the pain is so fresh, it feels like only yesterday. My heart breaks for your sister, my best friend, who still can't put into words the grief that she feels. For your dad, who still carries so much anger and guilt, even though he did nothing wrong.

All I can think is that it shouldn't be this way. Losing someone close to you is hard enough, but to lose someone so young, so vital, in such a sudden, unthinkable way. It's too much.

Rebekka
8/29/88 - 10/27/07