Heart Heart Heartbreak

I guess this is my official confession: I am depressed.

I don't know if it's the sudden weather change from sunny summer to very gray rainy fall. I don't know if it's the insanity of school. I don't know if it's that I still haven't really opened myself up to deal with my divorce. I just don't know. I do know that I'm unhappy, I'm exhausted, and I would like to stay in bed all day.

The good news is that I am getting out of bed everyday, pretty early too. I am getting all my schoolwork done. I'm getting A's in all three classes. I am keeping up with my other obligations. I even find time to help with things outside my realm of obligations.

I think part of it is that I'm really, truly missing my little boy, for the first time since I left in May. I know DJ is not my real son, but I raised him for over four years. When I first left, I was so burned out, so tired of dealing with his mother and step-father, I couldn't wait to get away. Now, he's miserable, because they are so wrapped up in themselves, he doesn't get much attention, and I'm missing him like crazy.

I spend a lot of time alone these days. I have the dogs and cats, but I don't have a lot of people interaction. That can make a person depressed, maybe?

The 27th marks 2 years since we lost Bekka. That is beyond depressing. It's still hard to believe she is gone. She had a whole life ahead of her. My best friend is her older sister, so she is really having a hard time right now and I'm trying to keep it together, so I can be there for her, but it's hard. Fortunately, we can laugh at all the adventures and trouble we got into when we were younger.

I will get better. I'm working through it.